In to simplicity =)

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Just read Nadya's and Ida's latest entry. I actually teared while reading them. I just couldn't hold back my tear coz I know how they feel, having to lose someone so close to you is very very hard. Even though I'm not close with any of my grandparents, I can feel it, you know. I've never seen my paternal grandfather, my maternal grandmother passed away when I was like 5years old, after my father. My maternal grandfather passed away when I was Pri6. Only left my paternal grandmother who is away in Melaka or Tampin or anywhere in Malaysia with my aunties. I only get to see her on Hari Raya, but she can't see me. It's not that she's blind, she just cant see with her old eyes. I need to say my name first before talking or hugging her. It's so sad. I miss her.

I miss abah. I know I only spent like 4 years of my life with him, but he's still my dad. He didn't choose to leave me, it was destined to. Allah loves him more than i do. I remembered the time when we celebrated my parents 30th Anniversary i think. They got this present. My father said, this can be used like 10 more years. I was 3 then. Still so cute. heh. But noone knows the future right? Few months later, he's gone. Well, everybody knew it's gonna happen like any time, but i dont. I was like almost 4 years old. I didnt know anything. All i know is that Abah is in the hospital, and mak is looking after him.

After his death, my mum struggled hard. She had to take Abah's place as a cook at the coffeshop. My aunt was the one who took care of me. She fetch me home from school, she cooked for me, she get my things ready for me. I remembered the time, when i was little, I gave a birthday card to mak. I wrote "Mak, Happy Birthday! Mak jangan sedih-sedih abah da tak ader k. Mira sayang Mak". I put it on the table for Mak. After that, i read again myself. I actually cried. I myself is not strong enough for her. I was little. It's too big a responsibility for a little girl to carry.

Mak, Mira sayang Mak. Mak jangan tinggalkan Mira k. Mira takder sesape lagi selain Mak. Ye, mira ader kakak kakak dan abang yang sayang mira. Tapi kasih seorang Ibu tidak boleh dibandingkan dengan kasih adik beradik atau kasih antara sepasang kekasih yang dilamun cinta. Mira masih nak manja manja dengan mak. Mira kadang kadang rase kosong kalau mak takder tidur sebelah mira, instead mak tidur dengan cucu cucu mak. Apa pun, Mak lah orang yang paling penyabar. Mira sayang mak tau.

Allah, please, i beg you. Dont take her away from me. I need her. I want to see her happy. I want to see her beautiful smile everyday. I want her by my side always. I want her to see grow up, succeed in life. I want her to cry when she hugged me on my wedding day. That shows she loves me to even let me go.I want her to see my children grow. I want her to teach my children what my husband and I cant. I want to take care of her like she did to me. ALLAH, PLEASE....

I LOVE YOU MAK!!!!

# posted by mira at 8:33 PM